I am thrilled to be a co-leader on an important programming project with Home Hospice Association. It is called No Place Like Home. We are examining the research within Canada, and beyond to understand the experiences of 2SLGBTQI elders at end-of-life and in long-term care facilities. With that awareness, we will design programming for staff and residents to improve their experiences interpersonally, spiritually, and direct care.
What is coming to my consciousness is that our elders ARE suffering. Sometimes you hold out hope that the theories you have won’t be real. Hope that when you call long term care facilities, even those who have an open, self-identified population of 2SLGBTQI residents, they won’t enthusiastically say YES, please, let’s work together because there is a need. But that is not the case. The more we discover the more we are shining a light on some harsh realities for human beings who have lived such storied lives and made my life as an out, happy and privileged lesbian possible, are being forced back into the closet when they are most vulnerable.
It is essential that we make a difference and ensure that the chosen families, partners, and carers of the 2SLGBTQI community in their last phase of life.
So how do we do that?
Being aware of our language – never taking it for granted is a great first step. The last few years have seen a huge fluidity of terms and identities which can be challenging for elderly residents and staff. Take the time to ask our elders what language they prefer and make sure we use that language. Giving respect to their identities will also lead to grace being given when mistakes are inevitably made.
Value the supportive community each resident has. Chosen family and valued friends are vital to a generation who lost many to the AIDS crisis, ostracism, and violence. Building a safe support system was an epic undertaking for some. We must create a welcoming environment for everyone who loves and is a part of our elders’ community.
Create an environment where affection is celebrated for residents outside of heteronormative relationships. I have been told of a person asked to ‘keep watch’ at a doorway in a long-term care facility so that the resident could have time to hold hands with their partner, to stroke their face and kiss their lips. Elderly people who do not have an awareness of 2SLGBTQI people in their experiences or family/social circles have struggled to accept and respect our loving, intimate relationships. There are respectful ways to create a living environment where I can hold hands with my wife in the common areas, just like heteronormative couples do. As with language, when we build respect, we also grow grace for the mistakes without negatively impacting the safety and inclusion of the facility.
No Place Like Home will incorporate these ideas into our programming and suggest changes in documents completed for residents and hopefully improve the level of inclusion and safety for all elders but especially 2SLGBTQI elders who need our love, consideration, and support now more than ever.
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